MOJO HD

Hello. This is Dave Hill, the guy from the soon-to-be wildly popular program "The King of Miami with Dave Hill," which - as rumored on the Internet and also on some ads on the sides of telephone booths and stuff across North America - will be debuting on the futuristic MOJO television network on Monday, May 7 at 9:30pm. Yeah, I know, I'm pretty excited about it too. I mean, not only is it an incredible television show, but it is also in the futuristic high definition television format, which honestly I can't even wrap my head around sometimes. I hope I look as incredible in high definition as I do when I'm just sitting around my apartment and stuff. I guess it is really for the people to decide in the end though. And by the people, I mean you and then also a bunch of other people besides you who I am hoping will totally watch my show.

Anyway, it is at this point that you're probably wondering whether I have any wild behind-the-scenes stories from the making of my incredible television program "The King of Miami with Dave Hill." And to that I say yes, yes I do. But let's not get into that right now. I'll save all of that for another entry, once we've had a chance to get to know each other and stuff. I can't wait.

One thing I will talk about is the making of that incredible promo-type thing that you can watch on this website where me and all the guys from the other shows are totally cruising through the desert and then standing there looking all badass and all of that. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here- I'm the only one who did his own driving. The other guys were all taking naps in the fancy trailers that the show business people dragged out to the middle of the desert for us that day - even Dr. Danger, who you'd think would have maybe taken off his skirt and hopped on the back of a motorcycle for a couple laps but whatever. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not calling Zane Lamprey a whuss or anything. That's not what this is about. I’m just saying that if you want to know which star of a MOJO television program goes the extra distance for you, the viewer, you're talking to him (or you are reading what I'm typing or whatever. You know what I mean.) Not willing to do their own driving aside, however, I will say that all the guys from all the other shows are really great guys, even Zane once you get to know him and are able to get past all sorts of things. I will say that Dr. Danger kind of scares me though. I think it's the glasses (and a bunch of other stuff too. But mostly the glasses. And then some other stuff besides the glasses.)

I should probably point out that I have the flu right now as I'm typing this, so between the medicine, the chocolate milk, the circus peanuts, and whatever else I could get my hands on, I am fairly delirious right now and would rather not be held accountable for anything I say here. Okay, I just wanted to get that out of the way. Let's continue.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, me. Another thing I really enjoyed recently aside from making my own soon-to-be-wildly popular television program "The King of Miami with Dave Hill" was making the incredible music video for my show that you can totally watch on this website whenever you want. The video was a lot of fun to make. There were snacks and everything and whenever I wanted one of those little bottles of water, dammit, somebody got me one of those little bottles of water. That's classy. That's MOJO.

We shot the video in some weird warehouse in Queens (or Brooklyn. I forget. Remember I am out of my gourd right now) where each room was made to look totally different. There was a room that was a subway car, a room that was a prison cell, a room that was like a dungeon from medieval times or something, a room that was from the future, and then a bunch of other rooms besides those. You get it. Anyway, we shot most of the video in a big room that you probably could have fit an airplane into if you wanted (not sure why we didn't. That would have been pretty cool now that I'm sitting here thinking about it.). It was me, Phil, and those three really pretty girls who, as you can probably imagine, were all hands. And even though the video is only a couple minutes long, Phil was running around in that Speedo for about two hours. He stuffs by the way. Let's just get that out of that way right now.

Well, that about covers it for this entry. In the coming days and weeks and stuff, I will continue to write (or "blog" as the kids say) on these pages and give you a little glimpse into my world both inside and outside of being the guy who is the star of the most incredible television program that has ever existed ever. I hope you'll come back and read it and stuff. Also, if you have any questions for me, Dave Hill AKA the King of Miami AKA your new best friend, please feel free to write in via this website or something and maybe they will send it to me and I will totally answer it. There must be some e-mail address somewhere or something. I don't know- just click around.

Until next time, I would like to restate the fact that my incredible television program "The King of Miami with Dave Hill" is totally going to be on MOJO on Monday, May 7 at 9:30. Please watch the ---- out of that ----. Also, I would encourage you to watch all the other fine programs on the channel. Just leave it on all the time. ---- it. You paid for that big fancy TV you might as well get some goddamn use out of it. What the hell is your problem anyway?

Your man,

Dave Hill